My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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