arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
