We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
