Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
