There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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