I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
