I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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