dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
