I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
