she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
