I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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