So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
