Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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