So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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