Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
