you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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