Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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