Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
