that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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