Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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