wanna go halves on a baby?
Fuck appropriateness.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
