Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
