come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
