I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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