He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
