woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
