I'm gonna have a badass scar
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
