I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I AM VODKA MAN
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
