I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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