I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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