Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
