If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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