I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
