so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
