Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
