so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
