I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
