I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
