The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
