Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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