Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he fucked my hip out of place.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
