i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
