don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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