I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
