wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
