I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
