he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
