I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
