I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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