He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
