sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
