it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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