I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
